5 Ways to Stop Fighting Your Feelings (And Start Living the Life You Want )

Advise from me, support from Pistachio Croissant :)

If you’re navigating perimenopause or menopause or ADHD, your internal world can feel like a chaotic house party where nobody’s in charge. One minute you’re sweating through your shirt, the next you’re crying at a dog food commercial, and somewhere in between your brain decides to hide your keys, your phone, and your ability to form a sentence.

It’s exhausting. And the natural instinct? Fight it. Fix it. Make it stop.

But here’s the plot twist: fighting your feelings doesn’t make them go away. It just makes them louder.

So, whether you’re dealing with hot flushes that feel like your internal thermostat is on holiday, brain fog that makes you forget your own birthday, or moods that swing faster than a Galway wind, these five strategies will help you stop the fight and start moving toward what matters.

1. Drop Anchor When Your Brain Is a Hurricane

The Move: Dropping Anchor (Harris, 2019)

When you’re in the middle of a moment; maybe your partner said something innocent and you burst into tears, or you’re lying awake at 3am with your mind replaying every mistake you’ve ever made your brain is telling you there’s a threat. It wants you to either fight, flee, or freeze.

Instead, try dropping anchor. It’s a simple three‑step way to steady yourself when everything feels wobbly:

• Acknowledge what’s happening inside. Say to yourself: “I’m noticing anxiety,” or “Here’s overwhelm.” Just name it. No judgment.

• Connect with your body. Push your feet into the floor. Press your palms together. Sit up tall. Feel your breath moving in and out.

• Engage with the world around you. Look around and find five things you can see, three things you can hear, one thing you can touch.

You’re not trying to get rid of the feeling. You’re just anchoring yourself so you don’t get swept away. Once you’re steadier, you can choose what to do next.

Why it works for ADHD + menopause: Both conditions can make you feel like you’re at the mercy of your body and brain. Dropping anchor puts you back in the driver’s seat even if just for a moment.

2. Turn the Struggle Switch from 10 to… Maybe a 5

The Move:The Struggle Switch (Harris, 2019)

Imagine you have a switch inside you labelled “struggle.” When it’s on full blast (a 10 out of 10), you’re telling yourself: This shouldn’t be happening. I need to get rid of this feeling right now. Why can’t I just be normal?

That struggle actually amplifies the discomfort. It’s like trying to push a beach ball underwater the harder you push, the more it wants to pop up and smack you in the face.

Now, what if you could dial that switch down?

Not to zero you’re not pretending the feeling isn’t there just from a 10 to a 7 or a 5.

Next time you notice yourself wrestling with a hot flush, a wave of sadness, or that “I’m losing my mind” feeling, ask yourself: On a scale of 0 to 10, how much am I struggling with this right now? Then see if you can bring it down just one or two notches. Maybe by taking a breath, maybe by saying, “Okay, this is here. I don’t have to like it, but I can stop fighting it.”

Why it works for ADHD + menopause: The ADHD brain is already prone to emotional intensity and rejection sensitivity. Add hormonal shifts, and the struggle can feel epic. Dialling it back gives you breathing room.

3. Hold Your Feelings Like a Crying Baby (Or a Scared Puppy)

The Move: Compassion (Harris, 2019)

When a baby cries, we don’t scream at it to shut up. We hold it gently. We offer comfort. We let it know it’s safe.

But when we’re the one crying or feeling rage, or shame, or utter exhaustion we often go straight to self‑criticism. “What’s wrong with me? Pull yourself together!”

Here’s a radical idea: what if you treated your difficult feelings with the same gentleness you’d offer a distressed baby?

Place your hand on your heart or your belly. Imagine that feeling anxiety, grief, frustration as something small and scared. Say to it: “I know you’re here. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

You’re not trying to make the feeling disappear. You’re just meeting it with kindness instead of a sledgehammer.

Why it works for ADHD + menopause: We often carry a lifetime of “shoulds” and shame about our emotions. Practising self‑compassion rewires that inner voice from bully to ally. And when hormones are amplifying everything, a little kindness goes a long way.

4. Get Curious (Like a Kid Who’s Found a Snail)

The Move:The Curious Child (Harris, 2019)

When a child finds a snail, they don’t go: “Ugh, a snail. How do I get rid of it?” They squat down. They stare. They notice the slime trail, the way it moves, the feel of the shell. They’re curious.

You can do the same with your feelings.

Instead of trying to escape a sensation say, the rising heat of a flush or the tight knot of anxiety zoom in on it like a curious child. Ask yourself:

• Where exactly in my body is this?

• Where are the edges? Does it have a shape?

• Is it moving or still? Hot or cold? Heavy or light?

This isn’t about analysing why you feel it. It’s about simply observing it, like a scientist studying a new species.

When you get curious, you step out of the struggle. You stop being in the feeling and start being with it. And that tiny shift can make the feeling feel less overwhelming.

Why it works for ADHD + menopause: The ADHD brain loves novelty and can hyperfocus. Giving it a curious “investigation” to do redirects its energy away from rumination and into something grounding.

5. Ask Yourself: “What Do I Get for Buying Into This Thought?”

The Move: Pragmatism / Workability (Harris, 2019)

Your mind is a master storyteller. Especially when ADHD and menopause team up, it can spin some real whoppers: “I’m losing my mind.” “Everyone can tell I’m struggling.” “I’ll never get through this.”

These thoughts feel urgent. They feel true. But here’s the question that cuts through the noise:

If I let this thought control me, where does it take me?

Does believing “I’m a mess” help you show up as the person you want to be? Does it help you reach out to a friend, take care of your body, or enjoy an evening with your family? Or does it lead you to cancel plans, snap at your partner, and hide under a blanket?

You don’t have to argue with the thought. You don’t have to convince yourself it’s false. You just get to choose whether you buy into it.

When a thought shows up, you can say: “Thanks, mind, but I’m going to do what matters instead.”

Why it works for ADHD + menopause: Our brains generate thousands of thoughts a day. Trying to “fix” or “stop” them is a losing game. Instead, we can notice them, check their workability, and move forward anyway.

The Bigger Picture: It’s Not About Getting Rid of the Hard Stuff

If you’ve made it this far, you might be thinking: “Okay, but I still have hot flushes. I still have brain fog. I still have days where I feel like I’m failing.”

And you’re right. These strategies won’t erase the physical and emotional realities of ADHD and menopause. But here’s what they can do: they can stop those experiences from stealing your life.

ACT is about learning to make space for the hard stuff so you can still do what matters to you. Whether that’s being present with your kids, showing up for your friendships, or simply having a moment of peace in your own skin, you get to choose where you put your energy.

You don’t have to wait until menopause is “over” or your ADHD is “managed” to start living well. You can start right now, with exactly what’s here.

And if you’re thinking, “That sounds great, but I need a bit more support with this,” you’re not alone. I help women just like you navigate the intersection of ADHD, menopause, and all the messy, beautiful bits in between. We don’t fight the river. We learn to dip in and out and build a life worth staying present for. YOU GOT THIS